Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The Great 6th Grade Incident
The Great 6th Grade Shit Incident
Time Period : Circa 1986
This is pretty sick.
I went to grade school at S.E. Gross school in Brookfield, Illinois. The second floor, in 1986 at least, was home to grades 4 through 6. For some reason most of the teachers saw going to the bathroom in the middle of class as some kind of weakness and all but forbade us to do so. Of course, if the situation were dire enough, considerations would be made.
Such was the case with a young boy named Dave who couldn't hold it in one day. We were in Mr. Arscott's social studies class when Dave had to be excused about twenty minutes before the end of the hour. It must have been an emergency because he scurried out of there at top speed, carrying whatever ridiculous item was being used as a hall pass for discouraging such mid-class breaks. I think it was either a yardstick or a very big book.
By the end of class Dave hadn't returned. When the bell rang, Mr. Arscott suggested we go to the bathroom to check on Dave's "progress". Back in those days, in Brookfield, it was unheard of for someone to "ditch" class. If a kid didn't show up it was because he was sick, or at least faking it. Nobody had the balls to just not show up without their parents knowing about it or to just leave in the middle of the day. The police were vigilant about busting truant kids. I was once stopped by the police as I left school early to meet my dad to go fishing.
So we leave the classroom and round the corner to where the bathroom is. It was me, Nick Torno, Sheldon, and a couple others. Right away a foul, evil odor was lingering in the hallway. We could hear a low, guttural rumbling followed by an echoed pop and splash. A young man's voice began to whimper... "ooooohh.... ooooowww.... oh god....". Upon opening the door we smelled the sharp, acidic sting of a nasty bowel movement.
"Get the nurse!" Dave cried out.
Now, one interesting thing about boys toilet stalls is that they had no doors, except for one stall at the end that we believe was left intact for the teachers to use. Dave wasn't in that stall. He had emptied the contents of what I assume was most of his body into the first toilet on the end, presumably because it was closest to the door and he was in apparent need of fast relief. However, he had plugged up that stall with wad after wad of toilet paper, perhaps used while trying to wipe away whatever form of Alien blood was dissolving his ass.
Oddly enough, I remember those toilets for their insane ability to handle such obstructions. But, Dave had clogged this one, and it was spilling over. But he wasn't done yet and had to move to the next stall. When we arrived he was already in the process of clogging the second stall in line.
The water from the toilet, complete with the fresh sewage and toilet paper that Dave had deposited, were slowly creeping toward the door. Immediately Nick Torno leapt up and grabbed the framework of the door, hovering over the growing puddle of filth. He swung himself out the door a safe distance from the rising tide of tush mush.
"Get the nurse!" Dave cried again. His screams fell on deaf, and laughing, ears as we simply proceeded to crack up. Eventually, Dave found himself dragging his frail frame down the hallway, and as legend had it his pants were still down, a fountain of feces spraying from his ass, as we continued to laugh and point and mock.
In reality, that wasn't so far from the truth. I remember the flood of toilet water. I remember his cries of "get the nurse!". I remember him using two stalls. And yes, there was even some residual "streaking" in the hall from when Dave made his way to the nurses office. But what really ties the whole thing together is the surreal image of Dave crawling down the hall, pants down, shit spraying, and all of us just laughing. It may not be true, but it set the bar for the level of cruelty and torment that we would unleash upon each other in the years to come.
Oh yeah... Dave was fine.
I think.
Time Period : Circa 1986
This is pretty sick.
I went to grade school at S.E. Gross school in Brookfield, Illinois. The second floor, in 1986 at least, was home to grades 4 through 6. For some reason most of the teachers saw going to the bathroom in the middle of class as some kind of weakness and all but forbade us to do so. Of course, if the situation were dire enough, considerations would be made.
Such was the case with a young boy named Dave who couldn't hold it in one day. We were in Mr. Arscott's social studies class when Dave had to be excused about twenty minutes before the end of the hour. It must have been an emergency because he scurried out of there at top speed, carrying whatever ridiculous item was being used as a hall pass for discouraging such mid-class breaks. I think it was either a yardstick or a very big book.
By the end of class Dave hadn't returned. When the bell rang, Mr. Arscott suggested we go to the bathroom to check on Dave's "progress". Back in those days, in Brookfield, it was unheard of for someone to "ditch" class. If a kid didn't show up it was because he was sick, or at least faking it. Nobody had the balls to just not show up without their parents knowing about it or to just leave in the middle of the day. The police were vigilant about busting truant kids. I was once stopped by the police as I left school early to meet my dad to go fishing.
So we leave the classroom and round the corner to where the bathroom is. It was me, Nick Torno, Sheldon, and a couple others. Right away a foul, evil odor was lingering in the hallway. We could hear a low, guttural rumbling followed by an echoed pop and splash. A young man's voice began to whimper... "ooooohh.... ooooowww.... oh god....". Upon opening the door we smelled the sharp, acidic sting of a nasty bowel movement.
"Get the nurse!" Dave cried out.
Now, one interesting thing about boys toilet stalls is that they had no doors, except for one stall at the end that we believe was left intact for the teachers to use. Dave wasn't in that stall. He had emptied the contents of what I assume was most of his body into the first toilet on the end, presumably because it was closest to the door and he was in apparent need of fast relief. However, he had plugged up that stall with wad after wad of toilet paper, perhaps used while trying to wipe away whatever form of Alien blood was dissolving his ass.
Oddly enough, I remember those toilets for their insane ability to handle such obstructions. But, Dave had clogged this one, and it was spilling over. But he wasn't done yet and had to move to the next stall. When we arrived he was already in the process of clogging the second stall in line.
The water from the toilet, complete with the fresh sewage and toilet paper that Dave had deposited, were slowly creeping toward the door. Immediately Nick Torno leapt up and grabbed the framework of the door, hovering over the growing puddle of filth. He swung himself out the door a safe distance from the rising tide of tush mush.
"Get the nurse!" Dave cried again. His screams fell on deaf, and laughing, ears as we simply proceeded to crack up. Eventually, Dave found himself dragging his frail frame down the hallway, and as legend had it his pants were still down, a fountain of feces spraying from his ass, as we continued to laugh and point and mock.
In reality, that wasn't so far from the truth. I remember the flood of toilet water. I remember his cries of "get the nurse!". I remember him using two stalls. And yes, there was even some residual "streaking" in the hall from when Dave made his way to the nurses office. But what really ties the whole thing together is the surreal image of Dave crawling down the hall, pants down, shit spraying, and all of us just laughing. It may not be true, but it set the bar for the level of cruelty and torment that we would unleash upon each other in the years to come.
Oh yeah... Dave was fine.
I think.
