Thursday, August 18, 2005
The art of dumping your lover: Getting write to the heart
by JESSICA KIDDLE
DUMPING someone with whom you have shared intimacy can be painful enough. Far worse is the anguish of being dumped. Little wonder, then, that when the end of the affair arrives, many of us feel moved to put in writing feelings we are rendered incapable of uttering.
From Anne Boleyn to Anaïs Nin, putting pen to paper endures as a popular form of delivering a lover's parting shot. Now such missives from women across the centuries have been collated in a new anthology, Hell Hath No Fury, and, as these extracts show, the hurt remains the same.
ANAÏS NIN TO CL BALDWIN
Writer and diarist Anaïs Nin had frank words for poet CL Baldwin, who strayed outside his marriage to have an affair with her, only to return to his family in 1945: "I have no time for dead relationships. The day I discovered your deadness my illusion about you died and I knew you could never enter my world, which you wanted so much. Because my world is based on passion... that is why I am happy and full of power. But in the middle of this fiery and marvellous give and take, going out with you was like going out with a priest. The contrast in temperature was too great. So I waited for my first chance to break - not wanting to leave you alone."
JACQUELINE SUSANN TO IRVING MANSFIELD
Writer, TV and film star Susann wrote this Dear John letter to her producer/publicist husband after he was drafted into the army in 1943: "When we were at Essex House and I had room service and I could buy all my Florence Lustig dresses, I found that I loved you very much, but now that you're in the army and getting $56 a month, I feel that my love has waned."
REBECCA WEST TO HG WELLS
The journalist, novelist and critic Dame Rebecca West spent a decade as the companion of novelist HG Wells, to whom she wrote the following paean of self-immolation when he tried to end their affair in 1913: "During the next few days I shall either put a bullet through my head or commit something more shattering to myself than death. At any rate I shall be quite a different person... I don't understand why you wanted me three months ago and don't want me now. I wish I knew why that were so. It's something I can't understand, something I despise... You've literally ruined me. I'm burned down to my foundations."
JESSICA TO SCOTT
Jessica, 20, a college student, wrote the following in 1998 to her ex Scott, after discovering he was already married: "I am done being your doctor, your mom, your psychologist and I am through being your friend. Miss me yet? You should. You will. So take care and f*** off."
CINDY CHUPACK TO RICK
The Sex and the City producer wrote this e-mail to her friend Rick, who ccompanied her to parties in 2001: "I'm getting some slightly confusing signals from you, but I'm pretty sure you just want to be friends because A)you haven't kissed me yet and in fact, you seem downright adverse to it, B)you talk about other women a lot... So if you just want to be friends, let's just be friends and not do date-like stuff, because then I end up wanting to kiss you, and then you don't, and then I just feel stupid."
CATHERINE TEXIER TO JOEL ROSE
These words were originally published in Texier's book Breakup: The End of a Love Story, forming a letter to her former husband Joel, who left her for his editor in 1996: "Three AM Friday morning... I wake up with the brutal, nshakeable conviction that you are having an affair... So I decide to finally face the truth. I get up and check around the house to see if I can find any evidence of your betrayal. And here it is, so easy to find: a bunch of receipts from the summer including expensive hotels... HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU???"
HELENE VERIN TO LUKE
In 1995, Verin, a product designer in New York, had a passionate year-long reationship with Luke, until he told her he wanted to explore his "homosexual fantasies": "I should have known. Your good taste, swimming medals, love for Vanessa Daou, fridge full of caviar and champagne... Well f*** you and the last year... You say you're 'bi' - I say 'bye bi'."
LEIGH L TO MAX
Los Angeles writer and filmmaker Leigh L wrote a series of letters to ex-boyfriends whom she had met between 1991 and 2001: "Thank you for breaking up with me. My mother said you were the ugliest guy I've ever gone out with. Thank you for sucking the energy out of eight months of my precious life. Thank you for nothing at all."
ANNE BOLEYN TO HENRY VIII
In 1536, Boleyn wrote what is said to be her last letter before her execution to husband Henry VIII after he accused her of bewitching him into marriage and denying him a son following her second miscarriage: "To speak a truth, never a prince had a wife more loyal in all duty, and in all true affection, than you have ever found in Anne Bulen [sic]... Try me good king, but let me have a lawful trial, and let not my sworn enemies sit as my accusers and as my judges... Then you shall see either my innocency cleared, your suspicions and conscience satisfied, the ignominy and slander of the world stopped, or my guilt openly declared."
ANNE SEXTON TO TORGIE
In 1945, at the age of 16, the American poet signed off to Torgie, a boy she had met at summer camp, with: "I wouldn't marry you even if you had $100,000,000... You think you are a gentleman with your effect of polished clothes and mannerisms, but a true gentleman is one that has a kind and humble heart... It's too bad, Torgie, that you know the price of everything and the value of nothing."
Hell Hath No Fury, edited by Francine Prose, is published by Carroll &
Graf
DUMPING someone with whom you have shared intimacy can be painful enough. Far worse is the anguish of being dumped. Little wonder, then, that when the end of the affair arrives, many of us feel moved to put in writing feelings we are rendered incapable of uttering.
From Anne Boleyn to Anaïs Nin, putting pen to paper endures as a popular form of delivering a lover's parting shot. Now such missives from women across the centuries have been collated in a new anthology, Hell Hath No Fury, and, as these extracts show, the hurt remains the same.
ANAÏS NIN TO CL BALDWIN
Writer and diarist Anaïs Nin had frank words for poet CL Baldwin, who strayed outside his marriage to have an affair with her, only to return to his family in 1945: "I have no time for dead relationships. The day I discovered your deadness my illusion about you died and I knew you could never enter my world, which you wanted so much. Because my world is based on passion... that is why I am happy and full of power. But in the middle of this fiery and marvellous give and take, going out with you was like going out with a priest. The contrast in temperature was too great. So I waited for my first chance to break - not wanting to leave you alone."
JACQUELINE SUSANN TO IRVING MANSFIELD
Writer, TV and film star Susann wrote this Dear John letter to her producer/publicist husband after he was drafted into the army in 1943: "When we were at Essex House and I had room service and I could buy all my Florence Lustig dresses, I found that I loved you very much, but now that you're in the army and getting $56 a month, I feel that my love has waned."
REBECCA WEST TO HG WELLS
The journalist, novelist and critic Dame Rebecca West spent a decade as the companion of novelist HG Wells, to whom she wrote the following paean of self-immolation when he tried to end their affair in 1913: "During the next few days I shall either put a bullet through my head or commit something more shattering to myself than death. At any rate I shall be quite a different person... I don't understand why you wanted me three months ago and don't want me now. I wish I knew why that were so. It's something I can't understand, something I despise... You've literally ruined me. I'm burned down to my foundations."
JESSICA TO SCOTT
Jessica, 20, a college student, wrote the following in 1998 to her ex Scott, after discovering he was already married: "I am done being your doctor, your mom, your psychologist and I am through being your friend. Miss me yet? You should. You will. So take care and f*** off."
CINDY CHUPACK TO RICK
The Sex and the City producer wrote this e-mail to her friend Rick, who ccompanied her to parties in 2001: "I'm getting some slightly confusing signals from you, but I'm pretty sure you just want to be friends because A)you haven't kissed me yet and in fact, you seem downright adverse to it, B)you talk about other women a lot... So if you just want to be friends, let's just be friends and not do date-like stuff, because then I end up wanting to kiss you, and then you don't, and then I just feel stupid."
CATHERINE TEXIER TO JOEL ROSE
These words were originally published in Texier's book Breakup: The End of a Love Story, forming a letter to her former husband Joel, who left her for his editor in 1996: "Three AM Friday morning... I wake up with the brutal, nshakeable conviction that you are having an affair... So I decide to finally face the truth. I get up and check around the house to see if I can find any evidence of your betrayal. And here it is, so easy to find: a bunch of receipts from the summer including expensive hotels... HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU???"
HELENE VERIN TO LUKE
In 1995, Verin, a product designer in New York, had a passionate year-long reationship with Luke, until he told her he wanted to explore his "homosexual fantasies": "I should have known. Your good taste, swimming medals, love for Vanessa Daou, fridge full of caviar and champagne... Well f*** you and the last year... You say you're 'bi' - I say 'bye bi'."
LEIGH L TO MAX
Los Angeles writer and filmmaker Leigh L wrote a series of letters to ex-boyfriends whom she had met between 1991 and 2001: "Thank you for breaking up with me. My mother said you were the ugliest guy I've ever gone out with. Thank you for sucking the energy out of eight months of my precious life. Thank you for nothing at all."
ANNE BOLEYN TO HENRY VIII
In 1536, Boleyn wrote what is said to be her last letter before her execution to husband Henry VIII after he accused her of bewitching him into marriage and denying him a son following her second miscarriage: "To speak a truth, never a prince had a wife more loyal in all duty, and in all true affection, than you have ever found in Anne Bulen [sic]... Try me good king, but let me have a lawful trial, and let not my sworn enemies sit as my accusers and as my judges... Then you shall see either my innocency cleared, your suspicions and conscience satisfied, the ignominy and slander of the world stopped, or my guilt openly declared."
ANNE SEXTON TO TORGIE
In 1945, at the age of 16, the American poet signed off to Torgie, a boy she had met at summer camp, with: "I wouldn't marry you even if you had $100,000,000... You think you are a gentleman with your effect of polished clothes and mannerisms, but a true gentleman is one that has a kind and humble heart... It's too bad, Torgie, that you know the price of everything and the value of nothing."
Hell Hath No Fury, edited by Francine Prose, is published by Carroll &
Graf
